Make me a bird

It has been quite a while since I last posted anything. I've never been super consistent when it comes to writing, but it is there when I need it. As many of you know the past 3 years have been difficult for me. I have had a lot of things happen in an unexpected way, causing a lot of negativity in my life. "Make me a bird" I can not count the amount of times I've asked this simple question. I first heard this question in the movie Forrest Gump. It was the little girls prayer as she was running from her drunk father. It is so simple but so beautiful to me. I have always loved birds and been so jealous of their freedom to basically do what they want and go where they want. During hard days this question was always in my mind, begging to be a bird to escape these hard times. For the first time in a long time I am finally seeing progression in my life and it is beautiful. I still have a long way to go but with every step forward the next one gets easier and I am so grateful for that. Today has been a little bit of a hard day. I am physically and emotionally exhausted which makes it that much harder for me to stay on top of my thought processes and staying positive. I found myself asking the question "make me a bird." As those words repeated in my mind I came the the realization that my question has been and is being answered. The first time I uttered those words 3 years ago I was full of a sense of failure and hopelessness. As I uttered those words tonight I caught myself trying to refocus my thoughts on positive things. Not only positive things about my life but about myself. I have always had a really hard time feeling content with myself. I tend to focus on the negative things about me, my faults and my past transgressions. I wandered for 3 long years feeling this way. Not having a sense of hope and just trying to survive. In the past 2 months things have been changing in a big way for me. I started meeting with a new counselor who has changed my life. I am so much happier and for the first time in a long time I LOVE MYSELF! It is so great to see progress in this aspect of my life. 3 years since I asked the question to my Heavenly Father to make me a bird and all this time I thought this question had gone unanswered. I realized tonight that I was wrong. It has taken time and it has taken a lot of trial and error but I know I there. I am a bird... a very young bird who sucks at flying haha, but I see progression and that brings so much joy to my heart. I see myself as gold because I know that is how the lord sees me.

I write these things and share these things because 1st of all I needed to get it down on "paper" and second of all because who knows who this story could help or bring hope to some one. I swear to you that there is a light at the end of all tunnels. DON'T EVER lose hope. I have been to the edge, it is an awful place. I promise if you just keep going and never give up that there will come a day you are squinting because the light is so bright :) 

LOVE YOURSELF PLEASE! You are all amazing people. You are all Sons and Daughters of loving Heavenly Father. You are all Brothers and Sisters too loving people! Is there some awfully rude people out there? No doubt, but they do not matter. Let them soak in there unhappiness, let them try and poison you. Do not ever believe what they say. You are all gold and I love you.

-Cooper